Don’t Make Your Daughter Marry A Gang Rapist

Naya Khoon (Rajat Rakshit, 1990)

No Subtitles Sunday! I haven’t done one of these for ages and I have SO MANY Govinda VCDs just begging to be watched (hello neglected Govinda Project).

How could I abandon this face?

I’m kind of tempted to just publish the unedited notes I made as I watched, given this film was INCREDIBLY hard for me to follow (also – you can see then exactly how I watch movies. Yeah, that’s how I’ll justify it) . Normally without subs you can still get the gist of what’s going on pretty easily: this one was all over the place, pretty light on action or anything obvious moving the plot forward and so dialogue heavy that it took a lot of concentration to get what I did. Yeah…not my favourite Chichi film so far, but THE FIRST SONG MAKES UP FOR EVERYTHING.Because it’s FREAKING AWESOME and Chichi looks like THIS:

 *drool*

The basic story for those who don’t want to read the mad ramble that follows:

Govinda and Mandakini play Anand and Seema, doctors from different sides of the tracks who fall in love. Seema’s brother Vikram (Raza Murad) is dodgy as, though, and in addition to secretly impregnating one of Anand’s friends, is wrapped up in a scheme manufacturing dodgy medicine with some other doctors, including Dr Anil Verma (Gulshan Grover) whom he wants Seema to marry. To sabotage Anand and Seema’s love, Vikram starts poisoning Anand’s patients with dodgy medicine and tries to push Seema and Anil closer together.

Please note: Chichi as a doctor is also bahut appealing:

Shallow? Yes, but THIS FILM WAS PRETTY BORING. And Chichi is smokin’.

Now: the film as I watched it! Spoiler alert – sort of – bearing in mind that I really had NO IDEA what was going on sometimes so could have interpreted everything way crazily wrong.

 

Naya Khoon

within 2 minutes Govinda is kicking ass

 

set up seems to be a bunch of alcoholic goondas led by Gulshan Grover causing trouble – at opening they are hauling people out of their houses, which Govinda protests as illegal

 

then they start harrassing a girl, which Mandakini (Seema?) witnesses AND KICKS BUTT.

Not only does she take on 4 hopped up rowdies and KICK THEIR ASS, when they flee in their car, she grabs hold of the bumper and gets dragged along behind so she can haul herself on top of the moving car, all so she can KICK IN THEIR WINDSCREEN.

She gets them all arrested but this seems like it’s a bad thing for her because one of them, Inderjeet, is an MP’s son, and bahut influential, so she’ll be a target now. Obvs. And I think there is a lot of talk of bribing the girl (Geeta?) (the one who they tried to gang rape) to not testify – they mention panch hazaar rupees a lot to Seema, and she looks really not impressed and everyone else is like, smiling, trying to convince her. THERE IS SOME KIND OF BRIBERY GOING ON.

Is Seema a lawyer or something? She is freaking KICK ASS. Because THE GIRL TESTIFIES and so does Seema and there’s this long monologue from the judge and he says ….PANCH PANCH HAZAAR RUPAIYE at the end so…maybe it’s compensation they were talking about. The crims look really unimpressed now. OH they’re OFF TO JAIL is why!

The choice of font for the titles pleases me. 

12 MINUTES IN AND THE TITLES STILL HAVEN’T FINISHED.

So…Seema and Govinda are at medical college. Seema’s a DOCTOR? And so is Govinda? Wouldn’t have picked that. IN A BILLION YEARS.

Meet-cute with a mirror,

for no real reason except to establish Seema’s supposed to perform in the SUPER CONVENIENTLY PLACED charity show in like, 5 minutes…and so is Govinda! Govinda can dance, and SAVES HER ROUTINE when Seema’s partner hurts himself (and Chichi also happens to know the routine and have a costume handy). LOLZ. (also, it’s breathtaking OMG THIS DANCE IS THE AWESOMEST I WATCHED IT THREE TIMES IN A ROW).

 

Clearly these guys are cosmically fated because of their mad dancing abilities.

Um and then they maybe have sex. Because at the end of the dance it cuts randomly to you know, THOSE SHOTS OF FLOWERS

and then Govinda and Mandakini drinking the same drink through two straws.

And sitting cosily under a tree. WE ALL KNOW THE CODE BY NOW.

Okay. Let me get this straight.

Govinda = Anand – his dad is dead? Poor? He lives with relatives? He is a doctor who a) lives in a slum and b) is totally the nicest guy ever and sets up a mobile charity hospital and c) has MAD DANCE SKILLZ and d) does wear extremely tight pants and e) maybe accidentally killed someone with dodgy pharmaceuticals but didn’t seem to suffer any personal or professional consequences (e.g. there was no dramatic court case, I think he just started getting suspicious of The Dodgy Pharmaceuticals and ultimately traced them to Seema’s wicked brother, VP).

Vikram a.k.a VP = that guy I always hate in things = Seema’s sleazy brother who hooks up with a string of chicks and is an alcoholic and is friends with rowdies and involved in the manufacture of pharmaceuticals.

This guy is in it WAY too much. Also he’s half naked WAY too much.

 

Sapna = refuses to sleep with VP before marriage. But then I think he’s all like, OH NO, we’ll TOTALLY get married, I LOVE YOU and so they do it, and she gets pregnant, and he drops her like a hot potato, she disappears and comes back to town with a son. AND COMPLICATION ALERT: by this time, Anand and Seema are totally in love, but Anand and Sapna know each other from way back, she helped him out it seems (he’s poor) by giving him money for his fees for medical school? Did I imagine that part? Oh also Sapna talked to Anand in the middle of the night while VP was waiting in the car and Anand got angry, so maybe he knew all along that she was pregnant with VP’s child. Anyway VP hates Anand. Anyway, when Sapna gets sick from the dodgy pharmaceuticals (???) (or is she just like, really stressed out?) that Anil and Vikram are producing and she says to take her child to Anand, Seema is all like OMG IS THE BABY ANAND’S? and that misunderstanding spirals out of control.That’s totally what Vikram wants because he hates Anand because he is poor, and he wants Seema to marry Anil who is sleazy and rich and a criminal – but also a doctor. Seema eventually finds a letter from Sapna to Anand wishing him a happy Raksha Bandan with a rakhi in it for him, AWWWW. End of misunderstanding.

Kindly old guy that was in Albela as the half Indian half Swiss dude = Seema and VP’s rich, kindly benevolent dad who has something to do with factories but who has INCREDIBLY poor judgement about people.

 He just realised how crap his judgement is.

Gulshan Grover = Anil who is also a doctor like Seema and Anand. He was involved in the gang rape attempt at the start but he ran off so Seema didn’t know he was involved. VP wants Seema to marry Anil because he is rich and crooked like VP. Lead gang rapist, head drug guy. Oh yeah, comedy track is how a transexual called Chameli is after him for the whole film.

 

 

 

CLIMAX: at a fancy party

So…Seema is KICKASS again when her dumbass dad and evil brother try and arrange her marriage to Anil. First she totally sabotages it by maybe acting a little crazy or something, then claiming to know karate? I don’t know exactly but she was in crazy attack mode: then she was all like GUESS WHAT I’m NEVER MARRYING THIS GUY, DORKS. And brings out Geeta! The girl from the rape case at the very start! And SHE is all like “YEAH, ANIL WAS THERE TOO you guys but he ran off before the police came and let the other three take all the blame but guess what, Kindly Benevolent Factory Owner guy, YOU WANT YOUR DAUGHTER TO MARRY A GANG RAPIST!”

So Gulshan Grover is all “Yeh jhoot bola!” and Mandakini is all like ”Oh, LYING AM I DOUCHENOZZLE?” and in comes INDERJEET! The MP’s son gang rapist from the start, who tells Gulshan Grover’s folks and Kindly Old Benevolent Bad Judge of Character guy that “I took the rap and went to prison BUT HE WAS THE FREAKING RINGLEADER AND I HATE HIS GUTS NOW BECAUSE MAN, I used to call him Guru and what a douchebag don’t make your daughter marry a gangrapist btw k bye”

Then Govinda turns up to kick Vikram’s ass for promising to marry Sapna and getting her pregnant and abandoning her instead, and basically at this point everyone gets disowned or arrested.

HAPPYS ENDING