How I started out loving and ended up sort of hating Jhootha Hi Sahi

Jhootha Hi Sahi (Abbas Tyrewala, 2010)

What are the odds that in a single year, Bollywood puts out several films kind of centrally themed around the notion of suicide? What the hell is going on over there?

Anyway, Jhootha Hi Sahi is the story of a geeky bookstore employee, Siddharth (John Abraham) who, due to what can only be described as a MASSIVE FUCK UP on someone’s part, starts receiving phone-calls intended for a suicide hotline when his phone number is accidentally printed on the flyer instead. Because he is not inherently evil, he agrees to man the suicide-hotline temporarily. But then he receives a phonecall from a woman named Mishka, and strikes up a friendship with her, as a nameless counsellor she calls “Fidato”. Only then Siddharth meets her in real life, and falls in love…all the while continuing to take her calls as “Fidato”…

I really wanted to love Jhootha Hi Sahi. I really thought, for a little while, at least, that I was going to love it – that out of the incredibly mixed reviews this film received on its release, I was going to easily be able to take my place among its supporters and write a glowing review and urge you all to ignore the naysayers and give it a chance.

Because there ARE some genuinely lovely elements to Jhootha Hi Sahi that deserve to be picked out and praised. For one, the central theme that runs through it, handled with a gentler touch than in Anjaana Anjaani, that you have only one life, so you have to make the most of it.

 

John Abraham as the shy, clumsy Siddharth is so sweet and awkwardly endearing that it’s impossible NOT to like him.

I think he does a really good job ‘geeking’ himself up as Siddharth, and his character is clearly – though he tells lies and gets involved in a kind of tangle – motivated by an intent to ultimately do the right thing.

Even when he is TECHNICALLY behaving reprehensibly (like, errrr, LYING to someone who called a suicide hotline and cheating on his girlfriend rather than just breaking up with her, which would be the right thing to do, in context) it comes across as…mostly awkwardly endearing and funny, which is how the script intends it; rather than making Sid look like THE ULTIMATE CREEPY CREEPER. And when you do start to think “Sid, you are really behaving like a jerk and you need to stop this” SO DO HIS FRIENDS! And THEY TELL HIM SO! BLUNTLY, in an “I love you man, so I’m telling you things you don’t want to hear but you NEED to hear” way.

Ahhh, Sid’s friends. Sid’s friends are actually the best part of the film. Set in London, it’s another modern Hindi film that kind of updates the ground Salaam Namastey broke: it documents a group of young people living overseas (e.g. outside of India); their relationships and lives, without the presence or input of their families – no “mummy papa dramas”. So the circle of friends surrounding Sid have become each other’s surrogate family. The reason this is a highlight is that it’s all represented so realistically, with comedy and with a total lack of cheese or schmaltz . Sid’s best friend Omar is Pakistani, so the two of them trade jibes about Indian/Pakistani conflicts:

their friend Amit is gay, and he has a “secret” crush on another friend of theirs – that they all laugh about behind his back. Omar’s sister is 5 months pregnant to her boyfriend Nick but refuses to marry him – the friends close ranks against anyone who dares to question why (even though they don’t know themselves). There were lots of moments in Jhootha Hi Sahi where I laughed out loud – and they invariably involved Siddharth and his friends stirring each other up about something, having inane conversations in the bookstore or covering for each other the way friends do.

Almost all of the supporting cast were fantastic: like this guy, so good, and so not in it enough:

But when, halfway through a film, you start fervently wishing to see more of the SUPPORTING CAST, you know there is a problem. A big problem.

THIS PROBLEM:

 I should be at pains to point out, it is not Pakhi the actress that is the problem; it is MISHKA the CHARACTER.

Mishka (played by Pakhi, who also interestingly wrote the script, so is deserving of the kudos for all the wonderful things I love about this film – and there are many, and also the following…um…venomous rage for the GIANT GLARING PLOTHOLES and things we’re not supposed to think about because they’re not very romantic)

I just couldn’t stand her. And that’s a big problem for a film where…um…the romance between Siddharth and Mishka is STORYLINE A. But when you actually think about it, and I HAVE because FUCK SHE IRRITATED THE CRAP OUT OF ME, Mishka is a psychotic needy drama queen and she’s going to wreck Sid’s life.

BIG FAT SPOILER ALERTS!

Let’s see.

1. Mishka and Sid do not meet at the video store like they tell all Sid’s friends. Nor did they meet at the bookstore, like Mishka corrects Sid. THEY MET WHEN MISHKA CALLED UP THE SUICIDE HOTLINE AND MADE SID STAY UP ALL NIGHT BECAUSE SHE REFUSED TO TALK.

That’s fine, that’s what it’s for. BUT THEN SHE CALLED BACK. Again. And again. And again. And again. And not because she was suicidal, no. NO. Because SHE LIKED THE GUY WHO ANSWERED – because if someone else answered, she would have a tantrum, and RING BACK UNTIL SHE GOT SID.  Turning the suicide hotline – A SERVICE FOR PEOPLE IN DESPERATE NEED OF HELP – into a FLIRTY CHATLINE, and I am assuming, TYING UP THE LINE for those people that actually needed it.

2. How about this? The whole reason Mishka wanted to kill herself and called the hotline was because she couldn’t get over her ex-boyfriend, Kabir. It happens, and it’s very sad, and it’s good that Siddharth could prevent her from doing something terrible.

And then we meet Kabir. AND HE’S A DOUCHE.

Like seriously. A DOUCHE. Think of the biggest stereotype/cartoon of a douchebag, and exaggerate it even further, and then think of the further indignity of making sweet R Madhavan play that role – especially in contrast to the lovely, non-cartoony friends characters – and you have another reason that Jhootha Hi Sahi became disappointing very rapidly (but I digress). So then we think- “Thank goodness you didn’t kill yourself over THAT jerk, BUT HONESTLY WHAT DID YOU EVER SEE IN HIM?”

 

So it’s pretty damn near UNBELIEVABLE that fucking Mishka goes back to Kabir, right? And I SWEAR TO GOD, sits in the car with him, and he is SPEWING BILE at her, and has also, incidentally, just beaten up sweet Siddharth who (yes he lied to her, but he apologized, he never approached the level of douchery that Kabir approaches ) did nothing to deserve the beating but  say “I LOVE YOU DON’T GO” to Mishka – I mean, come on! – only for FUCKING MISHKA to reply with “That man is NOTHING TO ME” in reference to Siddharth –

–I lost my train of thought. Oh okay right, so Mishka is sitting in the car with demon Kabir, listening to him spew bile, and all she can say is “I really want to stay friends with you”.

WHAT?

Kabir is pissed, because he (and Siddharth) thought that they were getting back together, but now Mishka wants Sid again. So she can wreck HIS life.

3. OH MY GOD THE ENDING made me want to stab myself and Mishka in the face.

Mishka gives Sid AN ULTIMATUM.

“Meet me at the bridge in TEN MINUTES or I will know you don’t love me. You know, the bridge that is gonna be splitting apart to let ships through in ten minutes?”

You know, I KNOW you’re across town right now, and I know that even traveling 2 blocks in London – you know, THE GIANT MASSIVELY BUSY CITY OF LONDON –  can take an HOUR at the best of times, but MY ULTIMATUM IS MEET ME ON THE BRIDGE IN TEN MINUTES OR WE’RE THROUGH.

 Because I’m a freaking drama queen psycho and I’m going to ruin your life, Sid.